first time i put too much into one person
first time my heart felt smashed
i don’t really remember the sex much

i compare everyone to you
to our love
i can barely remember what you even look like naked now
but i know it was always perfect to me
comfortable, non judging sex environment

i wish i would have waited
or a last relished in your more
because i have gotten to know you so much more since our naked days
i wish for it now, all of the time

always months or years of build up
and it sucked
kissing you is okay
but it always sucked

i convinced myself to like you
when i really didn’t
i was just so lonely
but the feelings were mutual

i thought it was innocent,
but it was never really sex it all
sex with out consent is not sex

for years you chased me
and in a desperate summer heat wave
i found myself walking into your room with sweat and whiskey on our tongues
you didn’t give a fuck about pleasing me or maybe you were embarrassed
it made me feel hot and angry and i hated myself for caving into you

i made you big inside my head
i fell head over heals for you in scenarios and phone calls
so many weeks led up to the night that you asked me to go upstairs with you
you finally shut me up with your lips and broke the sexual tension that had been mounting for far too long
but you didn’t even look at me like i was anything at all
you treated my body like it was an electric fence to your hands
i had never felt so emotionally torn down from sex that i so desperately wanted.

not having sex for months is similar to torture. how do i keep doing this?

every month that passes where i am not having sex, feels like an entire year.

I’m really tired of never having sex.

all i want is to smoke a shit ton of bud with a handsome boy and then have him fuck me mercilessly until morning.

(via porn4ladies)